Nonsense

Isang nonsense na blog.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The girl who can't be moved (eight)



EIGHT

“YOU DID WHAT?!” James exclaimed.

I ate another spoonful of icecream. James is the type of person who only gets mad once in a blue moon. And for him to yell that loud, what I’ve done must’ve been super duper over the top.

“Wait… don’t get mad at me. Nothing happened naman eh.” I defended myself while trying to hide the fact that I’m scared by his scowl.

“Pero inakit mo pa din si Robi!”

“Well… not technically. Hindi naman ako nag-suot ng sexy lingerie. I bought one, but I didn’t use it.” I explained while having a panic attack.

“YOU BOUGHT A LINGERIE TO SEDUCE ROBI?!” James’ voice boomed like thunder.

“Yes. Rapah even helped me pick one.” I said panicking.

“YOU BOUGHT A SEXY LINGERIE WITH THE HELP OF MY BRATTY SISTER?! Ian naman eh!” His almond shaped eyes turned into a huge chestnut shape. For James’ chinky eyes to widen like that, I must be in real trouble. Lagot ako.

“Sabi nya kasi effective daw yun. Pero wag ka mag-alala. Hindi ko naman sinuot yun eh. Promise.” I raised my right hand hoping he’ll calm down. “Icecream? Sige na matutunaw na yung sayo.” I was trying to divert the topic.

“Wag mong ibahin yung usapan. Ano ka ba naman, Ian? Bakit ka nakikinig sa kapatid kong yun? Alam mo namang na-stuck yun sa fantasy world eh.” James said irritated.

“James… Sorry na. Wala naman nangyari eh.”

“Ian, pwede bang tama na? Hindi na kasi tama yung pagpapakatanga mo kay Robi eh. Akala ko ba ikaw si Jan Di? Eh bakit mo ginaya si monkey girl?”

I was surprised with what he said.

“Alam mo yun? Hindi ka naman nanonood ng BOF ah.”

“Nag marathon ako. Para naman maintindihan ko yung pinagsasasabi mo sakin.”

That made me smile.

“Weh?! Talaga? Ang ganda diba?” I said excitedly.

“So and so…” He answered a bit uninterested.

“HMP! So and so ka pa nalalaman dyan. Maganda yun noh!” I ate another spoonful of icecream. Then, James stared at me intently. “Huy! Ano ba?! Nakaka-concious ka na.” I joked.

“Alam mo, feeling ko, Yi Jeong had special feelings for Jan Di too. Pero alam nya kung gano ka-mahal ni Jun Pyo si Jan Di. So, he stepped back. And when he finally got the courage to do something about his feelings for her, it was too late. Mahal na mahal na kasi ni Jan Di si Jun Pyo… So, in an effort to hide what he truly feels, he kept his reputation. Mas lalo sya nambabae…” James kept a straight face while telling me his theory. “Lagi mo sinasabi na kamuka ko si Jun Pyo. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, ako pa din si Yi Jeong sa buhay mo. Hindi ba pwedeng ako na lang si Jun Pyo mo?”

“James…” I didn’t know what to say nor what to think.

“I don’t want to be Yi Jeong anymore. I don’t want to be the one that fades in the background anymore. Gusto ko, ako naman si Jun Pyo. Ako naman. Ako naman yung tignan mo. Ako naman yung mahalin mo. I won’t leave you with promises, because I’m staying right here beside you. I have always been here. Lagi lang ako sa tabi mo. Kahit sa malayo ka nakatingin hindi ako umaalis. Kasi nagbabaka-sakali ako na makita mo na pwede din mahalin ni Jan Di si Yi Jeong.” James said those with a smile on his face. It wasn’t a smile of happiness. He was smiling because he was hopeful.

I was speechless… I was out of words. James is in love with me? My bestfriend James? We fell silent for a while.

“I don’t know what to say. Bestfriends tayo. Alam mo yung mga kabaliwan at katangahan ko. You can’t be…”

“JAMES!” Someone called out before I can even continue what I was going to say. Judging by that person’s booming voice, it was Ali.

Ali walked in the dining room while dragging Rapah by the arm. Zach and Anton followed.

“Alam mo ba kung anong ginawa nitong magaling mong kapatid?” Anton asked.

“May iba ka pang ginawa bukod sa pagkunsinte kay Ian na akitin si Robi?!” James yelled at Rapah.

“Alam mo na?” Ali, Zach and Anton chorused.

“Oo. Nangumpisal na yung bata.” James said referring to me.

“Anak ng!” Ali sat beside me. “Alam kong magkasundung-magkasundo kayo ni Rapah, at kahit mahal na mahal ko ‘tong babaeng ‘to, wag ka makikinig dyan. Baliw yan eh.”

“Baliw pala ah!” Rapah hit Ali on the head. “Wag mo na ko pakasalan! Ayoko na!” She tried to threaten Ali.

“Eh di wag! Sinong tinakot mo.” Ali yelled at her.

“Sira ulo ka talaga. Joke lang yun noh! Nagpapapigil lang ako.” Rapah took back what she said as fast as she could.

One of the reasons why I asked for Rapah’s help is because she won Ali. She chased Ali since we were young and she was able to steal him from his fiancĂ©e. Kung nagawa nya, magagawa ko din yun. I won’t give up.

“Tumigil na nga kayong dalawa. Kalokohan ni Ian yung agenda natin.” Zach said seriously.

“Rapah, excuse us muna. Usapang Neon ‘to” Anton asked Rapah.

Rapah left the room. The four of them stared at me as if I was a criminal under interrogation.

“Wala namang nangyari eh!” I broke the silence. “Robi didn’t want to. He said if he’s going to love me again, not that way. Hindi dahil dun. He still cares for me. I know it. Alam ko, mahal nya pa ko.”

“Ian…” Zach sighed. He wore a serious face. “We all know how much you love Robi.We also know how much he loved you. Samin nya sinasabi noon how much you mean to him. Kaya nga namin sya pinilit na sabihin sayo yung nararamdaman nya bago sya pumunta ng Spain. Kinunsinte namin yung paghihintay mo sa kanya ‘coz we believed that he’ll do what he promised. But it’s different now. He’s the one asking you to give up already. Sya nga kinalimutan nya yung promise nya sayo. Ikaw din. Kalimutan mo na lang.”

I shook my head. I can’t believe I’m hearing this.

“You’re giving up on me? Kala ko ba walang laglagan, eh bakit sumusuko na kayo? Diba ako dapat yung unang susuko?” I was trying my best not to cry.

I can’t do this without them. They never fail to give me strength whenever I feel helpless and hopeless. Pano ako pag sumuko sila?

“Hindi ka namin nilalaglag.” Anton held my hand. “We’re lifting you up… Coz right now, you’re already falling apart. We’re just doing what you did for us. Everytime we felt like wala ng mangyayari sa pagbabanda namin, you were always the first to tell us na konti na lang magkakahimala na. And when one producer made us sing those horrible songs, you were also the first to tell us to go the other way kasi may iba pang himala na dadating. Ian… May iba pang himala. ”

“Eh si Robi lang yung gusto kong himala.” I wiped the teas that escaped from my eyes. I know I sounded pathetic, but that’s just the way it is.

“Ian… Tama na. Okay lang na sumuko ka. Maganda ka pa din. Promise… You’ve always taken care of us. Now, let us take care of you. Ayaw naming nasasaktan ka. Ayaw naming nagpapakatanga ka ng ganyan. Ikaw yung baby girl namin eh. And we love you so much.” Ali said with pleading eyes.

I can’t believe that four guys are begging me to quit my one and only addiction- ROBI. What should I do? I don’t want to feel this much pain anymore. But then, I can’t give up Robi. I don’t want to. I’ve hold on for 5 years, ngayon pa ba ko susuko?

“Ayoko. Hindi ko kaya… Alam ko maaalala din ni Robi na mahal nya ko.”

“Adrianne.”

I looked at James.

“Just give me one last desperate attempt to make him mine.” I proposed.

“NO!” Zach, Anton and Ali chorused.

I turned to James. I was waiting for his reaction. James looked at me. He gave me a faint smile and then he finally spoke.

“Let her. But it will be the last. You have to promise us that after your last desperate attempt, you’re going to let go and move on.”

“Yes. I promise.” I raised my right hand.

“James. Ano ba?” Zach objected.

“Kung ito na yung huling beses na magpapakatanga si Ian para sumaya sya, hindi ba natin sya hahayaan gawin yun? Hindi ba, at some point, gumawa din tayo ng stupid things just to get what we want. She promised that it will be the last. Let her be desperate for the last time. Pero pagkatapos nun, tayo na ang masusunod.”

Ali, Anton and Zach sighed.

“Isa na lang ha?” Zach said.

“Promise. Last na.” I raised my right hand.

“Hay naku, konti na lang talaga, makakalimutan ko na na kaibigan natin si Robi.” Anton said.

“Wag.” I objected. “Ako yung may gusto nito. Wag nyo sya sisihin.”

“Alien ka talaga. Bagay na bagay sayo yung title mo, ‘the girl who can’t be moved’. Walang makapag-papasuko sayo.” James messed my hair.

“GROUP HUG!” Ali yelled and they all hugged me. God, I love these guys.

After the hugs from my 4 unofficial boyfriends, the three happily bound guys- Zach, Anton and Ali left. I was about to leave when I remembered what he said about him being my Jun Pyo instead of Yi Jeong.

“James…” I sighed. “About what you said kanina…”

“Which part? The one I said where you want me to give up or the one where I gave you up?” He said with a defeated smile.

I hugged him tight. He didn’t hug me back.

“Ayaw mo na ba akong i-hug?” I asked him.

“Gusto. Gustong-gusto. But if I hug you now, I’ll have to let go. Madadagdagan yung ouch sa puso ko. And I can only take 3 ouches in one day. Strike 3 na eh. Masakit na masyado.”

“Three?” I asked a bit confused.

“One, when you came in and told me what you did for Robi. Two, when I told you I don’t want to be the one that fades in the background and you did just that. You let me fade in the background. Three, I gave you up. Again. Just like what I did 6 years ago when Robi told us he’s inlove with you.”

Tears started welling up in my eyes. I can’t bear to see James hurt like that. He’s my bestfriend. He’s that concrete wall I’ve always leaned on. I feel so bad because after all that he has done for me, I still managed to hurt him. Kung pwede ko lang ibigay yung puso ko sa kanya, ginawa ko na- tumitibok-tibok pa. If I can only hand my heart out to him. But even if I rip my chest open, I still can’t give it to him, because I don’t have it anymore. It’s with Robi. He took it the day he told me he loved me and left for Spain.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered in between sobs.

He only smiled and messed my hair.

ROBI’s

I woke up this morning at Ian’s bed. She wasn’t beside me anymore and I felt a sudden rush of disappointment. I wanted to try waking up with her beside me. I wanted to know if she was the view that I would want to see every waking morning of my life. Irish and I have slept on the same bed many times, and everytime I wake up and see her beside me, I feel nothing- and that scares me. Being with someone for 3 years and still not seeing yourself growing old with the other person means something is wrong. I feel contented with the relationship I have with Irish, but I think relationships aren’t supposed to be that way. It should be a roller coaster ride. A whirl wind. The kind where everyday is another day of adventure. Last night, Ian bared her soul to me. I was so tempted to just kiss her like there’s no tomorrow. I missed her lips. The lips I’ve only kissed once but never forgot. I missed every inch of her being. I missed my Super Ian. But, I held back. I couldn’t do that to her. I can’t go back to being impulsive and not think of the consequences of my action. Up until now, I’m not sure if I’m still inlove with Ian or if I’m just inlove with our memories. It was the thin line I’m walking on. I thought, when I came back here, I have really moved on but when I saw her at the launch I knew I was in big trouble. I thought wrong. I made the wrong move of pretending I’ve moved on. I pretended because I thought Ian will move on too. 5 years ago, I was way too scared that while I was away Ian will fall for James. I couldn’t handle that fear. I missed her everyday. And missing her made me paranoid. Missing Ian hurts too much that I couldn’t stand it. So, I started to leave things behind me. I had to move on before she does, because I know that I’ll fall apart if she’ll be the first to move on. What could I do? What should I think? She was never a believer of courtship, of taking chances, and of waiting. Someone as impulsive and adventure seeker like her, can never be contained. I promised her that I’ll come back for her and we’ll spend our forever together. It only took me a year before doubting that she’ll wait for me and so I stopped believing in my promise too.

Ian’s purple wall was still the same. It was still filled with pictures of us. Posters of Neon filled one side of her room. A framed snapshot of the two of us lay on her bed side table. After 5 years, she still hasn’t moved on. At the launch, she asked a minute of me. She hugged me tight for a minute. I wanted to hold her tight too, but I didn’t. I knew that if I did, I won’t be able to keep my pride and I’ll go back to being weak. That’s what Ian does to me. She makes me weak- too weak. I don’t want to be like that again. I spent more time in her room. I wanted to savor the life in that room. I wanted to breathe in the life inside that room because it contains a part of Ian’s world. Her world that I can never enter again. I stayed there for a few hours before I went home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

James called me up and asked me to meet them at the garage. I couldn’t say no. That was the first time he initiated a talk with me. We were really close friends. We have lots of things in common. We have the same interests- music, band and that one girl- Ian. We never talked about it. He was more expressive of his feelings. He takes care of Ian and gives her special treatment. I, on the other hand, was in so much denial. I knew her too well. Falling for that boyish girl next door was never my idea of a romantic plot. Hindi rin naman kami talaga magkaibigan ni Ian eh. Naging kabarkada lang namin sya when James befriended her after they met in one of our house parties. Inaya sya ni James sumama sa isang jamming namin and she hit it off with the other guys. One of the boys kasi sya. Walang arte sa katawan. Kasundo nya sa kakulitan si Ali. Pag seryosong usapan naman, si Zach ang kakambal nya. She’s Anton’s breathing room for his crazy relationship with Rika. And she’s that girl who built a wall unknowingly between James and me. James was never vocal of his feelings-expressive, yes, but never vocal. No one assumed that he wasn’t just treating Ian as a little sister. But I noticed how he stares at her when she’s not looking. It was the same stare I did when Ian’s not looking and that scared me. I thought it would only be a matter of time before James can finally gather the guts to tell Ian how he feels. So, before he can even say anything, I blurted out that I’ve fallen for Ian. They were all shocked. James kept silent. After that confession and 2 cases of beer, James finally talked to me and said “Go for it. You know her more. Mas alam mo kung pano sya mapapasaya. Just give her so much love.”

I didn’t know how to show her I love her. Ian is not the typical girl who’s smitten by courtship. She’d rather hang out with us guys and watch us jam, so I gave her the most important thing I can give her- my drumming skills. I taught her how to play the drums.

I really missed jamming with Neon. They’re quite busy with all the fame stuff- gigs, mall tour, TV and radio guestings. When I arrived at the garage, Anton, Ali, Zach and James were all set up and practicing. Then, I realized that there was something missing- someone, rather. No one was sitting behind the drums.

“Tugtugan na ba? Wala pa yung drummer nyo ah. Pasaway talaga yung alien na yun.”

I joked.

“Hindi si Ian yung pasaway. Ikaw.” Zach said in an irritated tone.

“Ako?” I asked, a bit confused.

“Oo, ikaw.” Zach added. “Pinilit ka namin na sabihin kay Ian na mahal mo sya, dahil naniwala kami sayo. Alam namin na kaya mo syang pasayahin. Pero anong ginawa mo? Pinaasa mo lang sya. Tang ina! 5 years. Hinayaan namin sya maghintay kasi naniniwala kami na tutuparin mo yung pangako mo.”

“You could’ve at least told her na ayaw mo na.” Ali said. “Gaano ba kahirap mag angat ng telepono at tawagan si Ian para sabihing ‘Hoy alien! Wag mo na kong hintayin! Hindi na kita mahal!’ Mas okay pa yung ganun eh. Oo, masasaktan sya, pero mas madali sya makakaget over. Pero yung pghintayin mo sya ng limang taon para sa wala? Pucha! Sana literal mo na lang na dinurog yung puso nya.”

I couldn’t swallow the fact that I’m hearing this from them. I had to defend myself.

“Whatever issues Ian and I have, samin lang yun. Labas kayo dun.” I said.

“Labas kami dun?” Anton, trying to contain himself. “Kami ang nandun para kay Ian sa tuwing matutula sya kakahintay sayo. Kami yung nakakita kung pano sya maglasing sa sobrang pagka-miss nya sayo. Kami yung nandun nung mga panahong umiiyak sya dahil bigla kang hindi nagparamdam. Kami yung nakakakita sa kanya sa tuwing uupo sya sa harap ng bahay nila at magwi-wish na sana umuwi ka na. Kami yung nandun para sa kanya dahil wala ka. Kami yung nandun dahil iniwan mo sya.”

“Ian should’ve been smart enough to know that when I stopped existing in her part of the world, it meant that she doesn’t exist in mine anymore. Apparently, she’s still stuck in her own freaking planet.”

I turned my back on them, ready to leave. But James grabbed my shirt and landed a hard punch on my face. I fell on the ground.

“Gago ka pala eh! Hindi mo ba ma-gets?! Mahal na mahal ka ni Ian! Yung pagmamahal nya sayo, umaabot hanggang Pluto. Pati kaluluwa nya hinain nya maalala mo lang na mahal mo sya.” James said with gritted teeth.

I stood up and kept a straight face.

“It was her choice. Hindi ko sya pinilit. Wala akong sinabi na akitin nya ko.”

“It’s a choice she made because of you. Kinalimutan na nya yung pride nya at kahihiyan dahil sayo. Ipaintindi mo nga samin kung bakit kahit isang beses, sa loob ng limang taon, hindi mo nagawang sabihin sa kanya na kalimutan na lang nya yung lahat sa inyo?” James said again while trying to stop himself from landing another punch on my face.

“Wala akong dapat ipaliwanag sa inyo. I don’t owe any explanation to you guys. Ano nang nangyari sa ‘pagkakaibigan bago ang lahat’? Nagagalit kayo sakin dahil lang sa saling pusang Neon na yun?”

James walked towards me and grabbed the collar of my shirt. If glares could kill, I would’ve been dead right then and there.

“Yung saling pusa na sinasabi mo, yun yung taong kasama namin nung sa pandinig ng mga kapit bahay, ingay lang yung ginagawa namin. Sya yung nag-aalaga samin dahil nangako sya sa isang gagong manloloko. Sya yung kasama namin sa lahat ng panahon na ayaw na namin mag-audition. Sya yung nagsasabi samin na ang sumuko pangit. Isa sya sa mga dahilan kung bakit kami ganito ngayon. She’s one of the reasons why we made it this big. She never left us. Hindi sya saling pusa. She’s a true Neon. Hindi katulad mo. Hindi na ikaw yung Robi na kapatid namin. You’re not the missing part of Neon.”

“So it’s over then? Years of friendship… it just came crashing down the drain?” I asked rhetorically. “Fine with me.”

I looked around the garage before I walked away. I left that garage along with the years of friendship I shared with Neon. What happened to the promise of not letting anything or anyone come between the bond that we have? All of these because of one girl- the girl who can’t be moved.

The girl who can't be moved (seven)



Seven

"Saan ba kasi tayo pupunta, Rapunzel?" taanong ko kay Rapah. Kanina pa kami paikot-ikot sa loob ng mall. Linga siya ng linga, lakad ng lakad... kinakausap ko, hindi naman ako sumasagot.

"Stayput ka lang, Ate Ian... Makikita ko rin iyon." sabi pa niya sa akin. Napangiwi ako. Stayput? Paano ko gagawin iyong kung masakit na ang paa ko kakalakad? Dapat talaga hindi ko muna sinuot itong high heels na bigay sa akin ni Robi... dapat nag-flats na lang ako.

"There it is!" Rapah excalaimed. Huminto siya sa harap ng isang lingerie botique. Kinabahan ako.

"Anong gagawin natin dito?" nagtatakang tanong ko. Tumingin sa akin si Rapah.

"Eh di mamimili ka ng sexy lingerie." namilog ang mga mata ko.

"Ano?!!" hinawakan ni Rapah ang kamay ko at hinatak ako papunta sa loob. para akong tanga. Mukha akong tanga. Lingin ako ng lingon sa loob ng botique... naeeskandalo kasi ako sa mga stlye ng lingerie nila... naisip ko, na-lingerie ka pa, wala ka ring tinago. Sinabi ko iyon kay Rapah. Natawa siya.

"That's the point, Ate Ian. Gosh ah.. mas makaluma ka pa ka kaysa ka Yaya Inday..." nakatawang sabi niya. Ang tinutukoy niya ay ang Yaya ni Ali. Tinawag niya ang isang sales lady.

"Miss, patingin ako ng mga new arrivals ninyo, para sa kanya." tinuro niya ako. Tumingin ang babae sa akin, parang gusto kong magpakain sa lupa sa mga oras na iyon. nang sinabi sa akin ni Rapah na tutulungan niya ako, hindi ko naman naisip na tototohanin niya ang sinbi niya noon na kailangan kong akitin si Robi.

"Bakit ko ba gionagawa ito? I mean, when you said that you would help me, hindi naman pumasok sa isip ko na ganito ang gagawin natin?" naiiyak na sabi ko.

"Ate Ian, paano mo mababawi si Kuya Robi kung hindi mo ito gagawin? You have to do this because, malay mo, ito na na iyong chance mo." kumuha siya ng isang lingerie at binigay sa akin. Ipinagtulakan niya ako s aloob ng fitting room. "Geh na Ate Ian, dito lang ko. Titingnan ko kung anong bagay sa'yo."

Habang nasa loon ng fitting room, pinag-iisipan ko kung gagawin ko ba talaga ito... aakitin ko ba talaga si Robi para mbawi ko ulit siya? But what if it doesn't work? Bigla ay naalala ko ang paraan ng pagtingin ni Robi kay Irish noong urprise party... nanikip ang dibdib ko. Parang hindi ako makahinga.

Sumilip ako sa may pinto at kinawayan si Rapah. Tumingin siya sa akin. Inuudyukan akong lumabas.

"Ikaw ang pumasok dito!" mahinang sabi ko.Napangiti si Rapah at tumayo siya. Pinapasok ko siya.

"Wow, ang sexy mo pala Ate Ian... Ngayon ko lang talaga napuna. kasi naman, you should stop wearing jeans and shirts... dapat mag-dress ka." ngumiti siya. "At saka bagay sa'yo ah..."

"Ayoko nito. Parang wala na akong tinatago." bulong ko.

"Ilang beses ko na bang sasabihin na, that' the point? Hindi bagay sa'yo ang pink… wait kukuha kita ng black." muli ay lumabas siya, ilang sandali lang ang nakalipas ay bumalik na si rapah at may dalang itim na lingerie. Ipinasuot niya ulit sa akin iyon. At ng magustuhan niya ang hitsura ko, ngumiti siya at sinabing.

"Okay, now we're done. Phase two na." nakasimangot na pumasok muli ay lumabas siya ng fitting room at hinyaan na magbihis ako. Kinakabahan ako, up to now, hindi ako sigurado sa gagawin ko, pero tama si Rapah, walang mangyayari sa akin kung maghihintay na lang ako basta. Kung hindi ako kikilos, maaagaw na lang ng tuluyan sa akin si Robi... at hindi ko kaya iyon.

Habang naglalakad kami ni Rapah ay binibigyan niya ako ng instruction kung ano ang dapat kong gawin... Pero hindi ko siyan masyadong naintindihan kasi lumulipad ang utak ko. Am I really going to do this? Am I sure? What if it doesn't work.

"Aray..." bulong ko. Nabangga ako sa likod ni Rapah. Huminto na lang kasi siya bigla. "Bakit ba? What's wrong?" nagtatakang tanong ko. Itunuro niya ang sakting rink sa ibaba. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang daliri niya. Sa gitna ng sakting rink. Nakita ko si Robi at si Irish na magkahawak kamay. Robi pulled her closer and put his arms around her waist. The sight murdered me. They looked so happy.

"Ate Ian..." tumingin ako kay Rapah. Pagkatapos ay tumingin muli ako kina Robi. That was when I made up my mind.

"I'm doing this..." mahinang sabi ko. "I cannot let her take Robi away from me..." I felt Rapah's hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay, Ate Ian.. I'm here. As I said, I'm gonna help you..." I took one last look at them... then I walked away. Rapah was following me... My mind was racing, nag-iisip ako ng paraan.. isang magandang paraan para sa gagawin ko.

Sumakay na ako sa kotse ni Rapah. She drove. Daldal siya ng daldal, she was telling me how she hates Irish... pero ako, iniisip ang eksenang nakita ko kanina... ang sakit sa puso... Huminto ang sasakyan ni Rapah sa tapat ng bahay ko.

"I'm going to do it, tonight, Rapah." sabi ko bago ako lumabas ng kotse. Ngumiti lang siya sa akin.

"Goodluck, Ate Ian." Nang makapasok ako sa loob ng bahay ko, dinampot ko agad ang telepono at idinayal ang numero ni Robi. Agad naman niya itong sinagot.

"Yes?" he said in a low voice.

"We have to talk, Robi. Pumunta ka sa bahay. Hihintayin kita." iyon lang at tinapos ko ang tawag. Naupo ako sa couch at saka tiningnan ang binili kong lingerie kanina... Ngumiti ako...

"No... not in this life time..." muli ay pinasok ko sa paper bag ang binili ko. I have to get ready, I know, Robi will come... I'm sure...

__________

For the last time, tiningnan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin. Contrary to what Rapah said, I did not wear the black lingerie. Ayoko kasi, pakiramdam ko, isang sinulid lang ang matanggal doon, bibigay na ang damit. Instead of wearing that, I wore a white loose shirt and a boyleg shorts. Inilugay ko ang buhok ko. Mukha akong tanga... paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko... pero paulit-ulit ko ring naaalala si Robi at si Irish...

"Adrianne!" nagulat ako ng marinig ko ang boses ni Robi. Nasa ibaba na yata saiya. "Ian, pumasok na ako. Bukas iyong pinto eh." huminga ako ng malalim.

"Kaya ko ito. Ang sumuko, pangit." sabi ko pa. Binuksan ko ang pinto nh silid ko at saka mabilis na tinungo ang hagdan. Nakita ko si Robi na nakaupo sa may couch.

"Remeber, Ate Ian. You have to walk like you own the floor... hindi man model-like walk... basta iyong sexy walk... iyong confident walk." Parang naririnig ko si Rapah habang bumababa ako ng hagdan... dahan-dahan ang pagbaba ko, marahan ang paglakad ko. Like what Rapah said, own it.. and i don't know if I am owning it.. but I don't care.... as long as I do it right...

Tumingin ako kay Robi, nakita kong nakatitig siya sa akin. His mouth was slighlty open. Kahit paano ay ikinatuwa ko iyon. I was looking intently at him habang pababa ako ng pababa, pagtapak ko sa isang baitang... nasobrahan.. ayun... natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili kong gumugulong pababa...

"Ian!" narinig kong tawag ni Robi. God! This is so embarassing! Nang makalapit siya sa akin ay hinawakan niya ako sa balikat. "Are you alright?" he asked me. Infairness, he sounded worried. I looked up at him.

"Yeah..." I said to him. Ininspeksyon niya ang binti ko , braso at siko...

"Wala ka bang sugat? Patingin..." Napatingin ako sa kanya, may kung anong humaplos sa puso ko. He was actually worried about me.

"O-okay lang ako..." tumingin sa akin.

"Bakit ba kasi ganoon ka bumaba? Para kang nagbibilang ng alikabok.. at bakit ganyan ang suot mo?" singhal niya sa akin habang inaalalayan niya akong tumayo.

"Bakit? Hindi b-ba b-bagay?" tanong ko. Saglit na natigilan si Robi.

"Sa ibang tao, bagay, sa'yo hindi." napanganga ako. He looked away. Napayuko ako. Parang mgba-back fire ang plano namin ni Rapah ah. "Bakit mo ba kasi ako pinapunta dito?" galit na tanong niya. Tumalikod siya at bumalik sa couch. Nakatayo lamang ako roon, pingmamasdan siya, parang hindi siya mapakali. Umupo siya sandali at saka muling tumayo. Nagpalakad-lakad siya sa harapan ko.

"Magpalit ka nga!" tila gigil na gigil siya. Bakit ba siya nagagalit. Namaywang ako.

"Bakit ba? Bahay ko naman ito kaya pwede kong suotin ang kahit anong gusto ko." maangas na sabi ko.

"We'll because you're making me feel uncomfortable!" he shouted. Tila iritang-irita na siya. That made me happy... ibig sabihin, he thinks that I'm pretty! Marahang lumapit ako sa kanya.

"Am I, Robi? Am I making you feel uncomfortable?" I asked him... Lumayo siya.

"Jeez! Ian! What the hell are you doing?!!" sigaw niya. Patuloy akong lumalapit sa kanya. At nang mawalan na ng espasyong uurungan si Robi, napangiti ako. I put my arms around him.

"What the--- What is it that you want?!!" muling sigaw niya. I smiled.

"You... I want you." I stared at him. Then without thinking twice, hinatak ko ang kwelyo ni Robi at hinagkan siya sa labi. God! How I missed those lips... He kissed me once five years ago and I want to feel that again... I want to feel his lips against mine...And then as if fate had allowed it, Robi kissed me back... I could feel the longing on his kisses... And while he was kissing me, tears started falling from my eyes... This is real right? This is really happening.

I pulled robi closer, then I started unbottoning his jeans... and suddenly he stopped.

"We can't do this..." bulong niya. "I can't do this to you." parang gusto kong maglupasay sa harapan niya.

"Why? I'm baring my very soul to you just so you'll love me again and you'll say no?" I bit my lower lip... Sagana na naman ang maga mata ko sa luha. Robi sighed.

"I..." he looked at me eye to eye. "I dunno if I'll ever love you again. But if I do, not this way... not like this..." itinulak ko siya papalayo. Tahimik na lumuha ako. Hindi na ako nahihiya na ipakita sa kanya na nasasaktan ako. I can't stop myself from crying...

"I wanna hate you right now for making me feel like an unttractive slut... but I can't hate you..." dama ko ang panginginig ng tuhod ko at ng buong katrawan ko. Parang kandila na nauupos ako, hanggang sa napaupo ako sa sahig. "You know what the sad part... I don't think I'll ever hate you..."

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." lumapit sa akin si Robi at pinangko ako. Iyak lang ako ng iyak... namalayan ko na lang na nasa loob na kami ng kwarto ko. Ibinaba ako ni Robi sa kama.

"I'm so sorry, Ian..." he said again. I just sat there crying like a little girl who lost her favorite teddy bear. Robi pulled me closer... the he made me lie down. Ipinatong niya ang ulo ko sa braso niya. Then he embraced me tightly...

"I can't hate you... I want to hate you but I can't..." umiiyak na sabi ko.

"Shh... stop it, Ian..." he kept saying that... paulit-ulit na para bang pagsinabi niya iyon, magiging okay na lang lahat basta... ang sakit-sakit nga eh. Ngayon lang ako na-reject ng ganito. Hinayaan akong umiyak ni Robi, patuloy lang niyang hinahaplos ang likod ko, panaka-naka ay hinahagkan niya ang ulo ko... I don't know why but being this close to him makes all the pain go away.. unti-unting nabubura ang sakit na kanina ay binalot ang buong pagkatao ko.

"Don't leave me, please...." bulong ko...

"I won't...I promise... close your eyes..." he said.. and I did. I closed my eyes... In my head I was happy to know that I will be sleeping with Robi and that there's wa big possibility that when I wake up tomorrwo, he wiould still be there... so I closed my eyes... and I let myself be lulled to sleep by Robi's voice...

The next morning, I woke up...Ayokong imulat ang mga mata ko dahil ayokong ma-disappoint. Ayokong masaktan pag nalaman ko at nakita ko na wala na si Robi sa tabi ko, na for the second time, he didn't stay true to his promise. But when I felt a hand on my waist, I almost cried with so much joy. Iminulat ko ang mga mata ko at nakita ko si Robi sa tabi ko, he was still there, I was so happy. Tinupad niya ang pangako niya. Nadama ko ang mga luha sa aking pisngi. Napapangiti ako. I was crying because of so much joy... Hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya. Then as if he was awake, hinuli niya ang kamya ko at inilagay iyon sa dibdib niya, sa tapat ng puso niya. Napangiti ako. Robi looked so calm... he looked so beautiful... Huminga ako ng malalim. What if Robi wakes up? What would he say? Would he regret staying? Magsisisi ba siya because he embraced me tightly last night? Anong iisipin niya? Where would we go after this?

Marahang inalis ko ang mga kamay ni Robi na nakapa-ikot sa akin. Naupo ako sa gilid ng kama. I looked at him again. I couldn't stand it. This moment, it was so beautiful, and I don't have the heart to ruin it. Looking at Robi, sleeping beside me, on my bed, inside my room, it was a dream come true. And i don't have the strenght to destroy that dream. So I stood up. I wanted so much to stay and savor the moment, wait for him to wake up, but then I know I couldn't. I don't even know what to expect today. I sighed. Nakakainis, hindi ko pwedeng hawakan ang isang bagay na dating sa akin. Why is life unfair?

"Why did you stop being in love with me, Robi? Why do you have to break my heart?” I said, trying so hard not to cry. I took one last look at him. Suddenly, I felt the hole in my life getting bigger by the minute. I couldn't even touch him. So I left. I left Robi in my room, I left him in my house... and I could feel that agonazing pain in my chest throbbing like there's no tomorrow.....




The girl who can't be moved (six)

SIX

“Hey, Ian." namilog ang mga mata ko ng makita kong nakatayo si James sa labas ng coffee shop. Anong ginagawa niya dito at paano niya nalaman kung nasaan ako?

"What are you doing here?" nagkibit-balikat siya. He smiled then he took my hand.

"I was driving around, then I saw you inside. Pauwi ka na?" he askedme. Tumango naman ako. Totoo naman eh, uuwi na rin namamn talagaako. Pero mas gusto ko sanang umuwi ng mag-isa...mas gusto kosanang tumayo sa may bus stop at hintayin iyong bus na madalasnaming sakyan noon ni Robi. Gusto ko sanang makitang muli iyongstick fugure doon... sa madaling salita, gusto kong magmukmok. Nalulungkot na naman kasi ako.

Sino ba naman ang hindi malulungkot sa sitwasyon ko? He said that he wanted us to be friends. Friends?! Pagkatapos niya akong paghintayin ng limang taon, after living five long years in melancholy, he just wanted us to be friends?! Hindi ko naman kailangan ng kaibigan eh. I have a lot of those, what I need is Robi, I need him. I want him to love me again... I want him to be my Super Robi again... mahirap ba iyon?

"Yan... are you okay?" James asked. Napatingin ako sa kanya. Tumango ako. Ano pa bang sasabihin ko, halata naman siguro sa mukha ko kung sino na naman ang iniisip ko.

"Naiisip niya kaya ako?" biglang tanong ko. James stared at me.

"Maybe... who knows, right? Wala naman nakakaalam sa takbo ng utak ng taong iyon." ngumiti si James. "Sakay na. Ihahatid na kita." huminga ako ng malalim at pilit kong iwinawaglit sa aking isipan ang imahe ni Robi noong nakaupo kami sa swing noong gabing iyon. Ang saya-saya ko noon, nalaman ko kasi na hindi niya talaga ako basta kinalimutan na lang. He remember things, he remember those good memories that made me cry everytime.

"How was your day?" tanong ko kay James?

"Stressful...." he tried to smile. "Hey, out of town gig tayo. Sasama ka dun ha? Kapag di ka sumama, hindi kami matutuloy, walang drummer." binatukan ko siya.

"Natural sasama ako. Wala na eh, Neon na ako. At sa tingin ko, Robi was happy about it too." napangiti ako. Hindi sumagot si Jaime. Nanatili siyang nakatingin sa daan at nagmmaneho. The thing with James is, pagdating kay Robi... hin di siya masyadong nagkokomento. Isang bagay na pinagtataka ko dahil dati, silang dalawa ang malapit sa isa't-isa. Robi and James were the minds behind their band, kaya nga hindi ko maintindihan kung anong nangyari. May issue ba si James kay Robi o si Robi ang may issue kay James. Gusto ko sanang magtanong kaya lang, hindi ko naman alam kung paano sisimulan.

"We're here." huminto si Jaime sa tapat ng bahay ko. Marahang binuksan ko ang pinto ng kotse at saka bumaba.

"Gusto mo kumain?" tanong ko sa kanya. Ngumiti si James.

"Sige.. gutom na nga rin ako eh." tinahak namin ni Jaime ang daan papasok sa bahay ko. Binuksan ko ang gate at nagtuloy-tuloy. Sumalubong sa akin ang kakaibang katahimikan. Ipinagkibit-balikat ko na lamang iyon. Sanay na naman ako, ang tagal-tagal na ng panahon na namumuhay ako mag-isa. Sometimes, I get lonely, but when I think about Robi, and the possibility that he will come back, nawawala lahat ng lungkot ko.

Ipinasok ko ang susi sa doorknob, at ng buksan ko ang pinto, sumalubong na naman sa akin ang katahimikang iyon at ang isang malawak na kadiliman, ayoko man ay nakadama ako ng lungkot. Kinapa ng kamay ko ang switch ng ilaw, and when I turned the lights on, I heard voices saying:

"Surprise!!" muntik na akong mapasigaw sa sobrang gulat. Napahawak ako sa aking dibdib. Nadama kong tumitibok ng mabilis ang puso ko.

"What the---" I exclaimed.. pagkatapos noon ay natawa ako. Pinagala ko ang mga mata ko sa paligid. Naroon si Anton, Rika, Zach, Audrina, Ali, Rapah and of course, Robi... with Irish. Lahat sila ay may suot na party hat maliban na lang kay Robi. Si rapah may hawak na banner na may nakasulat na: Congratulations Ate Ian.

"Nagulat ka ba namin, Ate Ian?" nakangiting tanong ni Rapah. Napailing ako. What can I say?

"Para saan ito?" nagtatakang tanong ko.

"Surprise party kasi the launching of the new Neon was a success and we owe it to you, Ian." James looked at me. Hinatak ko ang manggas niya.

"Siguro sinandya mo na puntahan ako sa coffee shop noh?" nakangising tanong ko.

"Hindi, Ian. kanina ka pa niya sinusundan. Naninigurado lang kami na hindi ka uuwi agad." sagot ni Anton.

"Ano? Party na tayo?" sabi pa ni rapah. Natawa ako. Hidi ko alam kung bakit ako masaya. Siguro, tanggap na ng utak ko na madalas ko talagang makikita si Irish na kasama si Robi, siguro tanggap ko na nasa kanya si Robi... sa ngayon. Dahil hidni pa ako sumusuko. Ayokong maging pangit kaya kahit anong mangyri at kahit gaano man kahirap, gagawa ako ng paraan para mahalin ulit ako ni Robi.

Ali took out the champagne. And like what Rapah said, nag-party nga sila. Masaya naman ako na nanonood lang sa isang tabi, hindi ko kasi masyadong magawang magsaya ng lubusan, nakikita ko kasi kung paano tingnan ni Robi si Irish, at nakakadama ako ng selos. He used to look at me like that. Puno ng warmth ang mga mata niya habangnakatitig sa mukha ni Irish. Tumatawa siya sa lahat ng sinasabi nito. Hewas carefully listening to her, making sure that he understands every detail of her story. He used to treat me like that. He used to make mefeel the most special person in this universe. Used to...

"Why are you here?" kunot na kunot ang noo ni Robi. Napamulagat ako. Hindi agad ako nakakibo, hinanap ng mga mata ko si Irish, naroon na siya kasama si Rika, nagkekwentuhan. Teka, diba kanina sila ni Robi ang magkatabi? Napatingin ako kay Robi. Sobrang lalim ba ng iniisip ko at hindi ko man lang namalayan na wala na pala sila sa direksyon tinitingnan ko?

"Huh?" tanong ko. Napailing siya.

"Ayaw mo ba ng party?" huminga ako ng malalim.

"Hindi... okay nga eh. Natutuwa ako. Thank you..." Robi smirked.

"This is James' idea. Dapat nga sasabihin ko na huwag na lang kasi magastos pa. Pero dahil hindi naman niya ako kinakausap, wala akong magagawa kundi pumayag. I still don't know why he's not talking to me. It's sort of freaking me out."

"Hindi mo rin alam?" tanong ko pa sa kanya. Robi shook his head.

"I guess it has something to do with you." he whispered.

"Bakit ako?" takang-takang tanong ko. Tinitigan ako ni Robi.

"Hanggang ngayon ganyan ka pa rin." sabi niya. Hindi niya sinagot ang tanong ko pero tila may alam siyang hindi ko alam. Parang may kakaiba sa mga tingin niyang iyon. "Anyways.." biglanng sabi niya.

"Ano?" tanong ko. Hinawakan niya ang braso ko at hinatak ako patungo sa may garden. Hindi ako nakadama ng kahit anumang pagtutol, naiisip ko kasi, ganito rin kami noon. And he was holding my arm... it feels so good.

"Here." iniabot niya sa akion ang isang malaking paper bag. "Gift ko sa'yo. Hope you like it." dali dali kong kinuha iyon upang tingnan ang nasa loob. I saw a shoe box inside. Inilabas ko iyon mula sa paper bag at binuksan. I found a pair of high heels. Pinakatitigan ko muna iyong mabuti bago ko inilapag sa damuhan. Hinubad ko ang suot kong sapatos at parang batang sabik na sabik na isinuot ko iyon.

"I knew it'll fit you well..." nang tingnan ko si Robi ay nakangiti siya. Nakatingin siya sa sapatos na suot ko. "Buti na lang hindi na lumaki yung paa mo... matagal ko na yan binili, hindi ko lang napadala..." parang hindi ako makahinga. Sabi niya matagal niya na daw binili, so does that mean, he was thinking about me while he was away?

"Like it?" he even asked.

"I was never a huge fan of high heels but this is just perfect. I love it.

Thank you." I smiled back at him.

"No worries." napanganga ako ng biglang ilagay ni Robi ang kamay niya sa ulo ko uoang guluhin ang buhok ko. Napaatras ako ng kaunti.

"Why? Ayaw mo na ba na ginugulo ko iyong buhok mo?" nagtatakang tanong niya.

"No...." I took a deep breath. Should I say it? "Kinikilig kasi ako eh." bigla ay tumawa siya ng malakas.

"That line of yours never fails to make me laugh. Pati din iyong motto mo na, ang sumuko, pangit."

"We'll, believe it or not, that motto works. Kaya nga sumikat sila eh. Ma-pride chicken silang lahat. Ayaw nolang pumayag na pangit sila kaya ayun, hindi sila sumuko." I saw him staring at me, panandaliang nalunod ako sa pagkakataong iyon.

"Buti na lang palagi kang nadun para sabihin sila na: ang sumuko pangit."

"Siyempre, ako ang number one fan ng Neon eh. Ako ang kauna-unahang groupie nila." pabirong sabi ko. Robi smiled.

"Yeah.." nakangiti pa rin siya. Bigla ay nadama kong nag-iinit ang mga mata ko. Naiiyak na naman ako. I missed that smile.

“Naalala ko pa noon, when you used to practice inside Jame’s garage. It was fun… nakakatuwa.. alam mo kapag naaalala ko iyon, hindi ko maiwasan ang mapangiti…”

“You were our number one fan. You'd spend the whole day with us.. taga timpla ng juice, taga gawa ng merienda. taga hanap ng susuotin namin for a gig..." nakangiti pa rin siya. Then suddenly he turned to me, he took my hand.

“Thank you for taking care of the band. Thank you for loving Neon…” he sighed… “Thank you for loving me….” hindi ako nakasagot. Bakit siya nagpapasalamat sa pagmamahal ko para sa kanya?

"Robi...." napapikit ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Irish, lumapit siya sa amin ni Robi. She put her hand around Robi's arm.

"Hi, Ian." ngumiti siya sa akin. Tumango naman ako. "Congrats ah..." I just smiled at her. parang bigla siyang natigilan. "Ay, nakakaisitorbo ba ako?"

"Of course not.." sagot ko naman. She smiled again.

"Uhmm.. Is it okay, if I steal Robi away? Nangako kasi siya na ipapasyal niya ako ngayon. Ang tagal ko na kasing hindi nakauwi kaya gusto ko sanang makita ang pinagbago ng Pilipinas." nakangiting sabi niya. Mabait naman si Irish pero hindi ko lang talaga magawang magustuhan siya, unang-una, dahil sa inagaw niya sa akin ang pagmamahal ni Robi.

"Oh sure..." tinanguan ko sila. Niyakag na ni Irish si Robi na umalis... at nang tumalikod sila, naiwan ako roon, sinusundan sila ng tingin.

"Is is okay if I steal Robi away?" How ironic can this get? Steal away... if she only knew... matagal na niyang na "steal away" sa akin si Robi....

____________

“Patapos na kami. Sandali na lang ha?" ngingiti-ngiting sabi ni Zach sa telepono. Tahimik naman na minamasdan ko siya. Sa tuwing tinitingnan ko siya, parang hindi pa rin ako naniniwala na hindi na siya tulad ng dati. I sighed. Lahat naman sila, including Ali. Kung tutuusin, si James na lang ang wala pang sariling ka-loveteam. I realized, napapalibutan pala ako ng mga taong may kanya-kanya ng happy ending. Samantalang ako, hanggang ngayon naghihintay, at iyong hinihintay ko iba naman ang gusto... iba na ang gusto.

"Si Ian, tulala na naman." awtomatikong napangiti ako.

"Hindi ah." ipinilig ko ang aking ulo upang itaboy ang mga ideyang tumatakbo sa isipan ko. Ayoko na munang isipin si Robi. Bukod sa nagmumukha akong tanga, na-stress pa ako ng bonggang-bongga. Napapagod na rin kasi ako ng kakaisip sa kanya. Wala naman nangyayari. Nasa harapan ko pa rin ang katotohanan na hindi na siya sa akin. Na may iba na siya, at masaya sila. Kahit gaano man kasakit, kailangan kong tanggapin iyon. Pero hindi pa kasi ako handa na isuko na lang siya basta. Mahal ko si Robi, at hindi ako naghintay ng limang taon para sa wala.

"Pwedeng magtanong?" sabi ko. Tumango ang ilan sa kanila.

"Ano ba iyon?" tanong ni Ali. I smiled. Matagal ko na kasing gustong malaman ito. Lagi ko lang nakakalimutang itanong sa kanila.

"Huwag ka nang mahiya, Ate Ian. Ano iyon?" wika ni Rapah. Naupo siya sa tabi ni Ali. Ali kissed her cheek. Bigla ay nakadama ako ng inggit. Ang sweet nila.

"How do you guys do it? I mean.. paano ninyo nakuha iyong mga girls ninyo?" natigilan ang lahat at napatingin sa akin. Lahat yata sila nakataas ang kilay, tapos, to my surprise, nagtawanan sila lahat. Natigilan naman ako, I bit my lower lip. "Seryoso ako... I want to know." yumuko ako.

"Okay, this is fun..." nakangising sabi ni Rapah.

"We'll?" I looked at them, Zach shrugged. "That time, Audrina was ready to leave me... so when she said goodbye, hindi ako pumayag. I locked her in our house for weeks..." nakangiting sabi niya. "But when I realized that she's not gonna love me back by doing that, I set her free... at bumalik naman siya sa akin... and the rest, history." Napangiti rin ako. habang nakatingin ako kay Zach, kitang-kita ko ang contentment sa mukha niya. He was so in love with his wife. I looked at Anton.

"I'm next?" tumango ako.. "We'll, nakipag-away ako kay Ebong. Pero kung iisipin, hindi iyon eh... I think, I seduced Rika... it's kind of my way of being with her, kahit man lang saglit.... and my way of winning her back...." he smiled.

"Yuck..." sabi ko… Anton made a face.

"We'll it works! Now I'm with her and we have Bonbon..." nakatawang sabi niya.

"Ako, wala naman akong ginawa. Sorry ah, alam naman nating lahat na baliw na baliw sa akin si Rapah, kahit na noong seven yeras old pa lang siya... Aray!" Rapah hit Ali on the head.

"Ang kapal mo, umiyak ka din naman noon. Ginaya mo pa nga si John Llyod eh..." Rapah made a face. Ali kissed her cheek again. Napangiti muli ako. Para talaga silang mga teen ager. Si Ali ang pinakamakulit sa Neon, habang si Rapah, may pagka-bratty. At ngayon magkasama n sila, wala ng dull moments... Binalingan ko si James. Nakita kong nakatitig siya sa akin. Marahang ngumiti ako.

"No comment." James shook his head. Umangal ang lahat.

"Ano kaya iyon. ang saya-saya ng sharing natin tapos, no comment ka diyan. Ano nga kasi..." pangungulit ko. Huminga siya ng malalim.

"Bakit mo ba kasi tinatanong?" seryosong sabi niya. Napipilan ako. Bakit? Ewan... we'll it has something to do with Robi. Naisip ko na baka makakuha ako ng ideya sa kanila. Bakit hindi diba? It worked on them... ibig sabihin pwede rin sa akin.

"Alam mo Yan-yan..." muling sabi ni James. "Lalaki kami, hindi applicable sa'yo ang mga technique na iyon." bigla ay kinilabutan ako.

"Hindi naman ako nagtatanong dahil dun, gusto ko lang malaman." pagtanggi ko. Ngumiwi si James.

"Whatever... basta huwag kang gagawa ng katangahan. Tama na iyan." sabi pa niya.

"Hay naku, nagsermon na naman si Father." sabi ni Rapah. "Naku Ate Ian, huwag mo nga pansinin iyan. Ilang buwan na kasing walang ka-date si Kuya." pilit akong ngumiti.

Sa totoo lang, medyo natamaan ako sa sinabi ni Jaime, alam ko naman kasi na katangahan lang talaga iyong ginagawa ko eh.. pero diba. kailangan mo munang maging tanga sa isang bagay para matutuhan mo ito? Ibig sabihin kung titigil na lang ako basta, paano ako matututo? Kung wala talagang mangyayari, eh di kakalimutan ko na lang si Robi. Lesson learned? Huwag maniwala sa mga pangako, pero dahil hindi ko pa nagagawa lahat, pwede pa akong magpakatanga.

"Tara na. Uwi na tayong lahat. Gagabihin pa ako eh." sabi ni Zach, bahagya pa siyang nakangiwi.

"Naku nga, hindi ka naman lalayasan ni Ate Audrina eh." nakatawang sabi ni Rapah. Hindi sumagot si Zach, sa halip, kinurot iya ang pisngi ng kapatid ni James.

"Ang cuuuuute mo talaga. Una na ako ah..." sabi ni Zach sabay labas ng pinto ng conferece room. Nagpaalam na rin si Anton, si James at si Ali, pumasok pa sa office, may kailangan daw kasing pirmahan. Naiwan kami ni Rapah roon. I looked at her, she was smiling.

"What?" nagtatakang tanong ko. Lalo siyang ngumiti.

"Anong balak mo kay Kuya Robi?" nakangising tanong niya. Kinilabutan ako. Sa tingin ko kasi may iniisip si Rapah na hindi naman dapat.

"Balak? Wala akong balak sa kanya." she smiled even more... lumapit siya sa akin at umupo sa tabi ko.

"Alam mo kasi Ate Ian, ayoko kay Irish. For me, masyado siyang maarte para kay Kuya Robi. Hindi sila bagay... at sa tingin ko, opinyon ko lang naman ito, wala siyang kakalagyan sa mundo natin... I mean mundo ng mga guys... mundo ng Neon... hindi siya bagay sa buhay na meron sila. Basta... basta hindi ko siya gusto... kaya kung may balak ka kay Kuya Robi, sabihin mo sa akin, para matulunga kita." kinidatan niya ako. Tulong? Aong tulong? At sa paanong paraan?

"What are you talking about?" bahagya pa kong tumawa. Nagkibit-balikat siya.

"Akitin mo si Kuya Robi." nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

"Ano?!!" gulat na gulat na sabi ko.

"Why not? It worked on Ate Rika, it worked on Ali. Siguro kay Kuya Robi din. Wala namang masama kung susubukan mo diba? Maganda ka Ate Ian, you can do it. All you need to do is too look extra pretty, show off some skin... and walk sexy... Naku, kapag nakita ka ni Kuya Robi ng ganoon, sigurado ako, babalik siya sa'yo..." tila siguradong-sigurado siya sa sinasabi niya. Napatingin ako kay Rapah. She was still smiling.

Come to think of it, Rapah seduced Ali. And she won his heart. Anton did that too, and now he's with Rika, and they are happy. Robi... he loved me once.... and like what Rapah said, wala namang masama kung susubukan ko diba?

"I'll help you..." Rapah said again. "All you have to do is say , yes..." itinaas baba niya ang mga kilay niya. Am I actually taking advice from an immature, bratty girl?

"Yes?" napakagat ako ng labi. Rapah clapped...

"Yey!" sabi pa niya. Noon bigalang pumasok muli si Ali at si James. Kunot na kunot ang noo ni Jaime.

"What's happening?" tanong pa niya. Tumayo si Rapah at hinagkan si Jaime sa pisngi.

"Wala Kuya… We’ll go now. Hatid mo na lang si Ate Ian. Come now, Ali." Ali waved goodbye. Naiwan kami ni James.

"Ano iyon?" muling tanong niya.

"Ha? Wala... Uhmm huwag mo na akong hatid. Mag-ba-bus na lang ako." mariin pa rin iyang nakatitig sa akin. "W-what?"

"Tandaan mo Ian. Do not do stupid things..." may diin ang bawat katgang binitiwan niya. Nakadama ako ng kaba.

"Whatever. I'll go now. See you tomorrow." iyon lang at dali-dali akong lumabas ng conference room. Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko...